“GIVE UP”

Some months ago a friend talked to me about “Giving Up”
We were talking about how tough things can be sometimes, and about after giving al we got, all the hard work, all the investement of time and money, things didn’t work out the way we wanted it to be.

He then asked me “Did you ever give up?”

The question made me travel back in time for a while to remember that I was brought up a competitor. I was doing sports since I was in kindergarten. My first experience is by joining PERSANI. Yep, Persatuan SENAM indonesia. My sister was doing the hard stuffs while the only thing I can remember doing was climbing a rope tied up high on pole. After that I had a try in athletics, which gave me the competitiveness in me. I had a trophy, medals and stuffs. After that I tried Karate, Soccer and finally I fell in love with Basketball.

Being a competitor gives me a mind set of never giving up. The way of thinking that I can always win the game. There’s always a chance to win.
And I really never give up, except for once.

When I was in college, I already developed I geeky kind of interest in Leadership. So when PASAR SENI ITB 2000 coming up back at that time, my departement (Product Design) was looking for someone to take charge of its own PASAR SENI show, I stepped up.

I had a concept, it was to make sorta like a trip to the future called TIME CAPSULE. There’s 2 kind of future: The good and bright one with all the gadgets and stuffs, and the bad and gloomy ones with pollutions and acid rains and mutations and stuffs. I also had some people to work with me, and suppose to have time to finish all.
But things didn’t work that way. If there’s something I wasn’t doing right, it was lack of leadership skills such as humanagement and micromanagement. I cant tell people what they should do because I don’t feel right doing it. I’m constantly doing small things because I cant delegate. I was unable to balance short term and long term needs. I fail to see the big picture.

So when the big day arrived, at 6 AM in the morning, my show is only 50% complete, while PASAR SENI 2000 starts at 9AM. The only thing that was finished was the building that has the size of a full basketball court and about 5 meters high. Inside it, is almost nothing!

So I took a walk inside the huge empty building made of cardboards and bamboo constructions which was devided in 2 (Good Future and Bad Future). I looked around and was devastated.
It’s nothing like I hoped for. I only have 3 hours to complete when the making of this 50% took about 1 whole month.
I dropped my body to the ground and kneel. I havent slept for like 3 days or so, I looked down and said to myself “I give up”.
Suddenly my whole body shooked like I was freezing or something, it got me lying down on the floor, and then I was unconscious.
I don’t know if I was sleping or passed out. I really cant tell because I don’t know what passing out feels like. But I sure was unconscious. Later on a senior student who was a friend of mine told me that he had found me lying down inside. At first he was upset and wanted to wake me up, but then felt sorry for me so he decided to let me lie there.

I woke up and it was around 09.30. PASAR SENI 2000 had started. I looked around and nothing has changed, of course. I know that my team was doing nothing because their leader didn’t tell them what to do with time running out. Besides perhaps the leader itself (which would be me) didn’t know what to do.
So I stepped out the empty building still feeling i had failed and about to tell the guys that I really don’t know what to do. Suddenly something caught my eye.

I saw a group of people about 10-15 gathered around and anxiously taking flyers from my brothers hand (who was there to help me out and had no idea that I had given up, that’s why he’s still giving away flyers to an unfinished show). The group grew bigger and bigger and suddenly I realized. The people didn’t know that the show wasn’t finished yet. To their eyes, there’s a big building with a big sign that says “TIME CAPSULE”. People are asking what time does the show starts.
Instantly I feel, there’s still hope.
The second I realize that we still have hope, my mind started to run and an idea popped in my head.
So I gathered my people and tell them the idea I had in mind.
Afterwords they all ran and do what I ask them to do, got back and are prepared to initiate my new found idea.

We started the show at 12.00 when at that time people are lining with crazy lengths. The cue was so long stretched that I was kinda nervous myself. I was afraid that all those crowd would be disapointed with what they will discover inside.

It never happened.
The show ends at 17.30 with a total of 3000 tickets sold.
Five and a half hours and we sold 3000 tickets to the show.
To my surprise, the failure had turned into a success.
The show was one of the biggest selling show in PASAR SENI 2000. We even gain more than some that were initially more prepared and ready to perform.

Now when I think of it, maybe those small group of 15 people that gathered in front of the building were all angels. They helped build anticipation to the show.
I mean I had practically given up. But those group of people gave me hope.
I believe God had something to do with it. I think God gave me hope.

Today,
I think, that even when you have given up on youself,
God wouldn’t give up on you.
As long as you still put your faith in God.

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